Life and Kids

I have had a lot going on lately with trying to buy a house, and serving alot at church. For those of you who don't know what serving at church is... I help out in the children's ministry watching kids and sorta trying to teach some of them...lol, and I also help out with cleaning, cooking, setting things up... basically, wherever help is needed. And I must say, there is so much joy in serving when you do it for the right reasons. I find great joy in the fellowship of others knowing that my service to God and others is helping lead others to Christ to find the joy that I have (and have recently tried to let slip through my fingers). (more blogging to come)

So buying a home.... First time for me. I had no idea what was involved in that. But God willing it will be over Monday and I'll be moving into my new home. Woohoo.

Now... the good stuff. My son is 13 (for those of you who don't know). He's a very handsome, tall boy. He's i think around 5'10" now. Which is scary. Since I'm 5'8". I have discovered that he likes to pick me up. And i mean literally pick me up. Now in most cases if a man tries to literally pick me up i have no trust that they will not drop me. However, with Austin, I don't really worry about it like I do with others. I have also discovered that he likes to talk to me. Sometimes, this is a pain when I'm on the phone or what not. But how blessed am I that my thirteen year old boy wants to talk to me about the girl drama at school or whatever is going on? I try to make sure that he knows I care about what's going on with him. I also tell him not to be messing with all these girls that have boyfriends and consider him their best friend and well... that's a whole nother story. Last night I tried to no avail to get him to leave the room so I could converse on the phone, but he really wanted to be in the room with me. I thought it to be quite annoying, but I love him so much and am so grateful that at 13 he's okay hanging out in my room on my bed with me. I won't go into details the conversation I had to have about dildos and douches. And yes, even as a Christian, I have to have these kinds of conversations with my kid. Some of you are like ... YIKES.. public schools. But look, he knows about stuff. But he also knows God's love for him and God's desire for him to wait til he's married. And the school has showed him some pictures of STDs so I'm pretty sure he's scared at this point. LOL. Anyhow, I just wanted to share how blessed I am to have this kind of relationship with my teenage son. There are times we totally don't get along... of course. But it's nights like those, that I feel totally blessed to be a single mom and have that kind of relationship where he knows he can talk to me.

Changing

So sometimes I write poetry (or my form of it) to express my feelings. Below, I have attached entered two poems... the first, describes where I was a year ago, and the second, was written a couple of months ago. Hope you enjoy and are encouraged.

COLD & EMPTY

Cold
Why can't I feel it?
Empty
Why can't I be it?

Why must I feel this pain?
Why must I feel this anger?
Why won't it go away?
I just don't want to feel
Anything, anymore

I just want to be cold and empty
So that I don't get hurt ever again
How do I make it happen?
The alcohol, takes it away
But it always comes back
The laughter, takes it away
But it always comes back
The love of the children, takes it away
But the hurt always comes back

Just make it go away.
For good
Make it stay away
Make my heart never hurt again
Make my mind not have a thought
Of why… again

Why am I not worthy enough
Not pretty enough
Not smart enough
Not young enough
Not strong enough
Why am I not enough?


Finding Everything

Walking aimlessly through life
In this world of loneliness
Seeking love and guidance
Searching for eternal bliss

Finding misery and hurt
Finding lies and deceit
Finding paths of emptiness
Everywhere I place my feet

Wondering why things are
Wanting things to change
Wishing things were easier
Trying to find my way

Until one majestic day
A message was shared with me
About a love that’s everlasting
And that elusive element of peace

A message of hope
That I’d been waiting for
Drifting through this life
Knowing there had to be more

The answer was always there
Only I was too blind to see
The answer was the King
Of the highest Majesty

The message was clear
Jesus gave his life
For me to live eternally
And leave behind the strife

The message was powerful
Filled with mercy and grace
About my savior’s dying
Dying to take my place

My Holy Father was waiting
He was calling me all along
Wanting me to find His love
Wanting me to see I belong

I am in His arms now
His peace and joy abound
He is my comfort and my solace
My Everything has been found

Tempted...yet again

1 Corinthians 10:13 (nlt)
But remember, the temptations that come into your life are no different from what others experience. And God is faithful. He will keep the temptation from becoming so strong that you can’t stand up against it. When you are tempted, He will show you a way out, so you will not give in to it.
Even though I have changed a lot in the last 6 months, and we just had this verse in SOD, it seems I’ve already forgotten. Satan has been sitting here throwing at me all of the temptations that used to cause me to fail at being obedient to God. In the past, my flesh would win the battle. As I sit here and struggle with these things YET AGAIN, I can’t help but think, am I paying attention.
Let’s review (if you care to). First, I must remember that the temptations are things we all face. Mine may come in a different form, but they’re no different than yours. Next, God is faithful. How often this statement is forgotten. When things get rough, we turn to God, but do we truly believe he will help? He is faithful, and He does come through.
Now these next points are extremely important when dealing temptation. For me, anyhow. He will keep the temptation from being too strong for me to resist. Well, this brings me to the point that God apparently knows I’m a lot stronger than I feel I am. I feel weak. I feel like I can’t do it. God is powerful. He gives us our power. I have that power within me. He has given us the power to stand up against it, and He won’t let it be more than we have power to resist. And He shows us a way out. I have found that normally, he gives us more than one way out. He opens doors all around to run the other way from the temptation. It then becomes our responsibility to either open the door of temptation and face the consequences, or open the door of righteousness. He has clearly stated that we have the ability to overcome the temptations through Him. So now I ask myself, what’s the problem then? He is faithful, and gives us the power to win against satan. I often forget the power I have within me through Christ. Even recently. I’m so glad that even in my failures He’s loving, full of grace and mercy. I’m glad for His instruction. He knew we’d all face this problem. He knows our weaknesses and how hard it is for us to overcome temptation in this fleshy world. So He left us this verse, so that we will know, we are His children and He takes care of us. Sometimes, we just need to pay attention.