Sometimes...

God can use the bad for good

It seems as if sometimes we beat ourselves up with guilt or whatever it may be, about bad choices/decisions. A few years ago, I decided to leave my husband. We mutually agree the marriage was bad. Now, there was no infidelity. And I know what the Bible says, but my life and many others have been changed for the better and completely blessed by that decision.

After I left he started seeking counsel and Calvary Chapel was recommended to him. He and his previous ex wife (and her beau) were all attending, as well as our children. I one day decided to find out what all the fuss was about. God does have a funny way of getting us places. One sitting through a teaching (while my ex was out of town) and I knew that was my church home. I was amazed. I had been to other churches and hadn’t been to one like this before. Changes immediately started happening.

But through it all there was something holding me back. I knew I had to get a divorce. I knew that my life wasn’t meant to be lived with the man I married before I found my way back to Christ. But many people tried to guide me in the direction of staying married. Myself, my ex, his ex, her boyfriend and all of our children got saved and baptized. There were wonderful things happening. It was fabulous, and yet, there was something holding me back. I just didn’t understand why a God who wanted to bless me and who was blessing all of us and everyone we each invited to church, would want me to go back to that situation. I know we were changing, but he was still him and I was still me.

So I eventually ran from God. I ran hard and fast. Lead on by guilt trips I had put on myself. Not understanding things. Being confused. And then analytically deciding it was all preposterous. And that God wasn’t real. During the time I had walked (ran) away, I definitely felt like my life was a mess. I went back on psychiatric meds. I drank a lot. I partied a lot. I basically was just living. And finding any sort of source of escape that I possibly could.

After about 5 or 6 months of running, my divorce was final. Of course celebrated by partying (along with my birthday). During that time, a few times I said "God, if you’re real I need you to show me." Shortly after that, someone I had dated became a reason in my head for me to attend service on Easter. I was pleasantly surprised to find out the softball season was starting. I loved playing softball and wanted to play. At the time, they changed the rules and requirements, and I had to make some quick changes so I could play. I started attending church every Sunday and Thursday again. At first reluctantly. But God grabbed ahold of me and wouldn’t let me go. He showed me over and over how He was real. He showed me His love and His mercy.

I have thought about this… over and over again. You know some people may say it was coincidence. I think it’s more than coincidence. He waited til my divorce was final to help me find my way back. He had the rules for being able to play softball changed for like 2 weeks, while I was wanting to sign up. He used a person who actually hasn’t even been going to church since then, to get me in church. After I started attending again I went back off the meds. So you see, God used the situation, for wonderful things.

I know some might still think after all of that, that I was wrong to still want a divorce after finding Christ again. But I say, it’s how my life is being used to glorify God. It’s what it took for ME to find Him and walk with Him. I don’t understand everything. I don’t know why, or how. I don’t have all of the answers, but in my heart and soul, I know, that God will use things that we see as bad for good. And sometimes, the answer isn’t always black and white. Sometimes God’s plan is outside of our human comprehension.